I have been procrastinating on talking about this topic for long, but here we are. I finally found guts. The urge to talk about this was triggered by a question one of my friends, a lady, posed to me; “why does it seem impossible to make someone love me back with the same energy I have for him?” Now, this hit me so hard.
When it comes to getting a man to commit to a relationship, many women can’t seem to crack the code and unlock the mysterious secret of how to make a guy want you not only now, but how to keep him interested and in love with you throughout what you hope will be the rest of your lives together.
In the topic I have used the word WIN for a reason. ‘Win’ is a verb which implicates victory in a contest or conflict. Sis, getting a man to love you is a contest. You are in a competition with 10 (or more) others. I’m not trying to scare you, but it’s true. Especially if the man in question is a sharpened individual, you must up your game. I know how hard it is to find a great man and go from him just feeling “casual” about dating you, to WANTING and NEEDING YOU on both a physical and emotional level. In fact, a lot of women have concluded to themselves that good men do not exist. And, before we go any further, you must have understood that I’m not talking about just any man. There are Real Men, and then there are “Boys.” Real Men are mature and grounded on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level. They are on a great path and open to growing on a deeply personal level.
In ancient times, before a country embarked on fighting another country, it used to send spies to study that country and know how they run their affairs. Because we have agreed that getting a man to love you is a contest, it is very important to know how real men run their affairs and what they want from you. I will do the spying for you. Here are four things that real men want in a woman.
1. A real man wants a woman who is playful: There’s something that drives men wild and invites them into a deeper level of “connection” – play. Men love to be active and to play. They were raised to express themselves and connect with those around them through ACTION. Unfortunately, too many women seem to forget this and want to TALK TALK TALK their way into a man’s heart. But the fact is that men don’t “feel it” for you because of what you say. It’s not the words. Do things with him – watch or play sports together, be competitive in casual games like cards or PS, even add a little teasing and sarcasm here and there, and you’ll really ramp up the attraction and interest.
2. A real man wants a woman who is independent: Lots of women mistakenly believe that men are looking for a “weaker” woman who will make them feel like they are smarter and more powerful. This is a trait of a weak man. Real men want a woman who INSPIRES them because she has great things going on her own life. They want a woman who has her own purpose other than being in a relationship. A real man isn’t “intimidated” by independence and success. What matters to a man is that a woman still has space in her life for a great relationship and is grounded and present when she’s with him.
3. A real man wants a woman who is emotionally mature: If a man feels attracted to a woman, eventually there’s going to be a situation that comes up where you and a man will see something differently and misunderstand each other. How you respond to this and share your feelings matters a lot. A woman who has the maturity to not blame or criticize a man for what she’s feeling, but to share her feelings in an honest and authentic way that helps a man better understand her will be attractive to a man. How a woman handles her emotions is one of the most important things men look for when deciding whether or not to get serious with a woman. If she lets her emotions get out of control, this is a big red flag to him.
4. A real man wants a woman he’s attracted to: Men aren’t as scared of commitment and relationships as they are scared of being in a relationship with a woman where there is no passion and attraction. A common way women accidentally kill the attraction men might be feeling is by either trying too hard to get him to like you, or by acting like the relationship is too serious too soon.
Now that I have spied the ground for you, can I give you the ultimate strategies of winning a man’s heart? Winning a guy’s affection and making him interested in you is a piece of cake. However, making him love you and entering his heart and mind forever is a bit more complicated. Here are five strategies of WINNING a man’s heart.
1. Work on yourself: One of the most important pieces of dating advice you’ll hear is to become a great woman before looking for a great man. As much as this may sound cliché, it can’t be truer. This is something you might not want to hear, but before you even try winning the right man over, you need to become a woman who’s worthy of this kind of man. Before you start working on your love life, you need to sort out your own life. If you want to make men chase you, build yourself into someone worth the right guy’s attention and admiration. So, instead of putting all of your focus on this guy, give yourself some more attention. I’m not talking about looks only here – improve your entire self. Of course, looking your best at every possible moment is always a plus. After all, men are visual creatures. However, the key is in expanding your interest, educating yourself, and working on your intellect and personality.
2. Be his friend: He already has some good friends. He has his pals that he likes hanging out with – that is something you should never try changing. Contrary to popular opinion, when a man falls in love, he also wants to be good friends with his better half. So, if you are trying to figure out how to win a man’s heart forever, try becoming his friend too. Show him that he can tell you anything and you’ll always understand him, without any judgment.
3. Don’t be cheap: Let’s say you have a crush on this man and he knows. He might decide to hit back on you. When that happens, don’t be cheap. If a man flirts with you and you quickly dance to his tune, then you automatically lose the game. In fact, men flirt not because they love you, but to test you. It doesn’t matter how beautiful or charming you are, if you are an easy catch, a man automatically loses interest in you. Don’t accept dates easily. Be unavailable. You need to learn playing hard to get. When you make it a bit harder for a man to have you, you are perceived as having greater value as a partner (and the opposite of it is also true).
4. Support and encourage his purpose: Real men have a mission. What is your man passionate about? What is his mission to accomplish? Nothing lifts a man’s spirit or confidence more than the support of a loving woman. If the man is passionate about politics, text him “Good morning governor; How are you Mr. president?” If he his purpose is to become an artist, fantasize with him how you will travel the world with him, how you will introduce him to a stage in Dubai, buy him a guitar, etc. The way to a man’s heart is to support the purpose that his heart is passionate about.
5. Don’t invade his space: A lot of women get this wrong all the time. If you want a man to love you, respect his space. Don’t be too nosy wanting to know what he is up to all the time. Don’t be like “who was that? Was that so and so?” after every call. Respect his personal life. And also, you don’t want to enter into a co-dependent, can’t-breath-without-you kind of a relationship, as much as the movies make it look nice. Make sure that you’re both getting some space from each other and from the relationship.
Do you feel I have left out on some points? Let me know in the comment section. For more inquiries reach me through info@sammyquen.com. Follow me on social media here. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube
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