I’ve been studying the art of falling in love from research reports done by psychologists and today, I will be kind enough to share some insights about Playing Hard to Get- the game. And for the record, if you want a serious relationship, it pays for you to be hard-to-get. According to research, playing hard to get attracts a higher-quality mate with the greatest level of commitment for a long-term relationship. However, women derive more benefit (than men) from playing hard to get because it allows them to test men out and increase the demand men place on them.
Playing hard-to-get includes: Having limited availability; sounding busy; acting not attracted, disinterested, and non-responsive; taking a long time to respond to calls and texts, or not responding at all.
Most people think the game is played by the cruel but they miss out on the principles of scarcity and reactance. The law of scarcity simply states: If what we desire ‘appears’ to be in limited supply, the perception of its value increases significantly. Simply put, humans place a higher value on an object that is scarce, and a lower value on those that are in abundance.
When dating, single people often deploy tactics like these to avoid coming off as clingy or desperate. Playing hard to get, the theory goes, makes you seem far more attractive. For decades, psychologists have been studying if and why playing hard to get can make people attracted to you, and several studies may help explain the psychology behind why we sometimes desire people who make us work harder for their attention. The distance you put between yourself and potential partners, in other words, can make you seem more attractive. “It implies quality,” says Gary Lewandowski, a professor of psychology whose research focuses on relationships. “If you’re able to be picky, that must mean you have some options, and if you have so many choices, you must be a viable partner.”
Part of the reason, again, is that if you’re busy, hard to reach, or socializing with other people, it might mean you possess prime partner qualities. “You’re not going to be clingy or overly needy, a lot of those negative qualities people don’t like in relationship partners,” Lewandowski explains. “It is basically saying you have other things going on, and it shows you have a certain level of independence that might be refreshing.” Plus, we like things we put effort into. That is supported by what is known as the gain-loss theory, first established in a 1965 study by psychologists Elliot Aronson and Darwyn Linder. The theory states that you’ll be more attracted to someone who initially didn’t like you but whose affection you won, compared to someone who liked you right away.
Playing hard to get can only really work at the beginning of a relationship. But given the fact that we tend to fall in love with people who we know are interested in us, it’s a very dangerous thing to do in the long run.
3 Benefits of Playing Hard to Get
As kids, playing hide and seek was many of our favorite games. There is some sweet fun about searching for someone hidden, looking for clues, knowing that you’re close to catching them. It’s a brand of excitement that we never fully outgrow.
So as adults we still play this game in subtle ways. Undoubtedly, we still enjoy the thrill of the chase. Flirting and playing hard to get with potential suitors is one way we satisfy this need. Although some consider this game of cat and mouse a fool’s game there are many benefits for anyone who perfects the art of playing hard to get. Here are the top three advantages you gain from being a little naughty by teasing a person that is vying for your attention.
1. You gain a sense of their commitment. When you’re starting a new relationship, it can be hard to gauge your partner’s commitment level. Will your relationship stand the test of time or crumble at the first sign of hardship? That’s why playing hard to get is one of the rules of attraction you should always follow. It’s fun, but it also offers a challenge. Gaining your attention requires a bit of work on a potential love interest part. As a woman, a guy has to be ready to follow your lead and be driven to catch you. If he isn’t willing to put forth the effort, then he’s not worth your time and attention. Men are natural hunters. The thrill of the chase excites them. If he wants you bad enough, he’ll put forth the effort to have you. As I said earlier, playing hard to get gives you the ultimate opportunity to gauge a man’s level of interest and commitment to attaining you.
2. It keeps you in control of the situation. For ladies, it is safe to say that if you’ve got his attention now, and he is engaging in your game of cat and mouse, you’re in complete control of the situation. He is playing along because he’s eager to get to know you, you have taken hold of a piece of his mind, and he is fantasizing about the moment you will relent to his advances. You have set forth the rules of this game. The rules of attraction. You have the power. You hold all the cards. It’s your decision how you want things to progress, what happens is all up to you. Should you accept his offer to take you to a movie?… Hmm… Maybe next time…Everyone wants what they can’t have, and right now he wants you. Doesn’t it feel great to be in control? It may seem to him like he’s doing all the work, but little does he know things play out the way they do because you’re playing the game so well. Keep your strategy intact, and you will have him right where you want him.
3. It allows you to enhance the attraction. Not having something we want, makes us want it even more. This makes playing hard to get such a pivotal interaction when it comes to the art of flirting and dating in the modern world. This little game you’re both engaged in gives you both enough time to truly get to know each other without losing interest too quickly. Take your time and flirt it up. He will be begging to spend more time with you and get to know you more once you awaken his desires to capture you. When you think about the rules of attraction, remember this: If you feed a man enough flirtatious bread crumbs, then deny him instant gratification, he won’t be able to get enough of you.
Conclusion: Playing hard to get is an art that will reveal a person’s level of interest, keep their interest, then enhance it to new heights. And you hold all the power in the game. Remember, though, if dating them is the goal don’t leave them in the dark for too long. Don’t overplay this enticing game of cat and mouse. Although men are known for their persistence, there’s only so much chasing he can do. Don’t let the teasing become all you’ve got. You want to be mysterious and alluring but not completely unknown. Be open to interaction but not too available. It’s a balance of giving and taking back, one you must level out carefully. Take your time… But don’t take too long. For the ladies, remember, he’s after you and at some point, you’ll have to give in to his advances, which can be the start of a very happy relationship. You’re the ultimate catch, a grand prize he’s eager to win. Make the competition fierce, but not impossible.
May the best person win your heart!