Who is a control freak? In the slang of psychology, the colloquial term control freak describes a person with a personality disorder characterized by undermining other people, usually by way of controlling behavior manifested in the ways that they act to dictate the order of things in a social situation. Control freaks are often perfectionists defending themselves against their own inner vulnerabilities in the belief that if they are not in total control they risk exposing their weaknesses. Such persons manipulate and pressure others to change so as to avoid having to change themselves, and use power over others to escape an inner emptiness. When a control freak’s pattern is broken, the controller is left with a terrible feeling of powerlessness. In terms of personality-type theory, control freaks are very much the Type A personality, driven by the need to dominate and control. An obsessive need to control others is also associated with antisocial personality disorder.
In relationships: Some jealousy is quite normal in relationships, but having a controlling partner who is overly-obsessive is a definite red flag. The frightening part is that obsessive and controlling partners often don’t reveal their dark side until you’re deep into a relationship with them. Controlling people use a whole arsenal of tools in order to dominate their partners— whether they or their partners realize what’s happening or not. Here are signs of a controlling partner.
They need to know everything: What are you doing today? Where are you going? Who are you going to be with? When are you leaving? When will you be back? These are normal questions that the control freak will want to know every single time you leave. They need to know everything and become very upset if you don’t answer sufficiently. Whether they keep their snooping secret or openly demand that you must share everything with them, it is a violation of boundaries from the get-go.
They check your phone or look through your stuff: If you keep catching your partner looking through your belongings without asking for permission, they are clearly overstepping a privacy boundary, and are hence betraying your love. Controlling partners feel that they have the right to know more than they actually do. Even if you have nothing to hide, a control freak is going to want to know what you’re doing on your phone. They may look through your messages and apps. It means that they have no interest in trusting you and instead want to take on a police-like presence within your relationship. A person who does not respect your personal space and has issues with trusting you is clearly not deserving of your love, bytheway.
They constantly accuse you of being unfaithful: If your partner regularly tells you they are suspecting you’re cheating on them, even without being able to show evidence for it, that is a definite red flag. And while this behavior might be the result of them being deeply insecure or that they were cheated on in the past, it is simply unfair of them to treat you this way. No matter what answers and reassurance you give to someone who wants to believe that you’re cheating, they’re not right and they’re never enough. In a twisted perspective, a person who accuses you of cheating maybe be cheating on you (or thought about it). Do you know what projection is? It’s taking your hidden feelings, thoughts and actions and then calling them someone else’s.
They ask you to prove your love for them: If your other half keeps on asking you to prove how much you love them – for example, cutting ties with your friends and exes or moving in with them before you’re ready, that is a clear sign they’re testing their ability to control you, not your love for them. Love is not proven, it is expressed.
They always find something to criticize you for: As time went on, they gradually started to criticize your small imperfections (jokingly at first), but they’ve moved on to constantly nagging about the things you say, do, or the way you dress. This is especially harmful because it can cause you to lose your self-confidence. Being criticized may also trigger fear, shame, or anger, and feed into your insecurities about being unworthy or incompetent. It’s hard to deal with someone who is overly critical. We are our own worst critics already. We know our flaws better than anyone else. It can be incredibly toxic to be around someone who constantly points those out.
They discourage you from chasing your dreams: If your partner doesn’t support you in becoming an accomplished individual, they might not want you to have a career in the future because they fear you might leave them if you make it professionally. A controlling partner is willing to shatter your dreams out of pure selfishness.
They play the victim: When it comes to a point where your partner makes you feel like human garbage, they will turn it around and make it look like they are the victim. This is a manipulation tactic to get you to feel sorry for them. They might try to bring up old issues and things that you did to take the guilt off of them and put on you. But should you dare to do the same thing, they will call you out for trying to play the victim.
Conclusion: Do not entertain anyone who tries to control you. Cut them out of your life. You deserve better!
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