When I was in school, between 2016-2019 (I’m not going to be specific with the year, watu wengine watajijazia vitu haziko) I dated this fine girl for 3 months only 😅. The relationship was all bliss, she was an amazing person 💯. To make things straight, we frequently touched on the uncomfortable topic of marriage (if I date someone, marriage has to be the end goal, if not, then wachana nayo). Our expectations, opinions and believes about marriage matched perfectly well until things escalated to another different level. Yes! We/I/she were in for the idea of settling down together, forever, and have children (2 of them to be precise, thanks to our fantasies 😅).
And because we thought our love was real, the marriage thing was becoming loud, especially from her (a red flag I almost ignored 🥺). My fine girl used to talk everything as if we were already married, from the best family cars, to the best movies to watch as a family, best schools to take our children 😃 etc. That, at first, was sounding sweet to me. I mean, where do you get someone who sees you as a potential husband and not just another dude? Where? You see these holiday destinations Bonfire keeps posting, she one day forwarded me one with a caption “our honeymoon destination” guess where? Seychelles! Dreams mtu wangu 😌!..
In a span of 3 months (october to december to be precise), we felt as if we had known each other for decades. Now let me tell you maina 😅. December people go to their homes right? Kukula chapati, sindio? My girl comes up with this idea and texts me, that we are going to visit each other’s homes. Yes! And she is damn serious about that. Well, that was fast, at least for me. 3 months is a very short time to trust someone with family introductions.
“Unaogopa nini? Ama bado sitoshi?” My very fine girl responded back when I resisted on her idea.
I forgot to tell you that she was also in school, but in her final year, while I still had more time in school.
“It is too early to involve family in our relationship.” I plainly said.
“Okay, kuja kwetu basi, sitakuja kwenu.” She said. I accepted, thanks to my cravings za kuvisit new places 😌…
My decision to visit their home that December was the start of the end for that relationship
It happened that her family had a come-together party on 12th, a jamhuri day. So that day nimeoga na nikang’ara yangu yote then mimi huyo muthaiga, nikapanda gari za kiambu, kwao sio mbali, it’s a walking distance from kiambu town. My girl was waiting for me kwa gate with her nieces. She hugs me, takes my bag then ushers me into her home, waaaah! The compound was decorated with high end vehicles, kina Subaru, Prado, crown, Nissan x-trail,, there was a superbike too. Then the house, a bungalow sitting in the middle of the compound. My girl leads me into the house…
A beehive of activities was happening, some ladies seemed busy in the kitchen, while the men were having a chatty engagement just outside.
“Ndio amefika sai” my girl introduces me to her mom.
“OoOoOH Sammy, karibu huku kwetu” her mom says and gives me a light hug, at that very moment I am speechless, because how on earth does she know me? After that, my girl walked me around and introduced me to her brothers, sisters and their spouses..
She was the last born in a family of more than 5 (I’m not specifying numbers here). Fast forward ⏩ to the real family meeting later that evening. We are settled, it’s time for introductions and family talk. Kila mtu anasema jina na kitu anafanya because apparently kuna wageni kadhaa (including me).
Waaah! Yaani hapo ni majina heavy, sijui psychiatrist, lawyer, manager sijui wapi, neurologist, doctor, eeish 🥺!
When it was her turn to talk, my girl clears her throat and introduces herself like,,
‘I’m so and so, a CPA finalist and ecostat student. Huku ndio home kwetu, and this is my husband to be, anaeza jisemea majina,,’ then looks at me.
‘Did you say your husband to be??, Your brothers are here, and your mom. Are you serious?’ I ask myself in the mind. The mention of ‘husband’ made me nervous, ‘girl, you are calling me your husband to be? I’m not even 25 yet! Tulijuana 3 months ago, really?’ I told myself, then said my names amidst strict stares. ‘..and I am a CPA student’ I finish talking…
So the party continues, apparently one of her cousins was traveling to Germany, so that also was her farewell party. Cutting cakes, eating nyama choma, mukimo, chapati, gathufu and all sort of Kikuyu food. Everyone is enjoying the moment except me. I’m tensed, because my girl said I am her husband to be, and everyone is treating me as such. Her elder sisters are actually calling me bro in law and stuff. Broooooo 🤦😅.
After eating, in the middle of the night beer is brought in crates and I am like ‘oookay’,,, someone is passing glasses but I am not taking one, my girl takes one and asks ‘kwani hukunywi?’ I’ve never tasted alcohol in my life, she doesn’t know that because we don’t know each other well, alcohol had never crossed our minds during our conversations. I mean, 3 months is a very short time, given that we didn’t stay close to each other. ‘stop pretending, everyone is having fun here’ she says and forces me to hold the empty glass 🍷, pissing me in the process…
The thing here is, the kids had already slept, and the elderly were in a different room. So hapa tumeachwa sisi middle aged fellows tujimbabe. Lakini sasa mimi already niko pissed off ju my very ‘fine girl’ introduced me as her husband to be, something we had not agreed kabisa. Everyone grabs a bottle and pours drinks into the glasses, including mine. One thing my girl doesn’t know is that I am very rude when it comes to things I don’t conform. ‘Kunywa, sio sumu.’ she insists and pulls a very indulging smile at the same time (she had the cutest smile ever, trust me),..
‘can we talk outside?’ I whisper to her and walk out. She looked surprised. When she came outside, I told her that she is pissing me off, and that I am already sleepy I need to sleep. Saying nothing, she returns back to the house, talks to her brother who takes me to his room to sleep. The following day I wake up before everyone, took my bag and went out, found some people washing dishes. Niliwaambia kuna mahali naenda nitachelewa, then told them to tell my girl, who I guess was sound asleep. After that day our communication went down. The chemistry between us crumbled down, and just like that, I lost my ‘fine girl’…